I’ve realized a lot of problems that exist in the world are NOT because there aren’t solutions it’s because people are not able to handle hearing things they don’t like or understand.
I’ve talked to a lot of people who wrap their identity up with their belief system. If you suggest an idea they don’t believe they don’t take it well. So I’ve written this guide.
If someone says something you don’t like what you should do is:
- Lash out — If someone hurts your ego or belief system lash out at them! Attack their character, make fun of their new t-shirt or hair cut. I like calling people names and insulting them.
- Deny it — go into denial. The only reality that exists is your own
- Call them a liar — why would they tell the truth? They must be lying to get something from you or make you look bad. Obviously they don’t have your interest at heart because why would they?
- Take it personally — they said what they said specifically attack you not the group you are in as a whole. “When they say the volleyball team doing a horrible job means i’m doing a horrible job.”
Here’s what not to do:
- Don’t Inquire — ask questions about what they are saying. repeat back to them what they are saying to see if you understand what they are saying. get
- Get evidence — ask for more evidence to support what they are saying
- Ask for a second opinion — get a neutral third party observer with nothing to gain in the matter. Ask experts or look into resources on it.
- Differentiate your identity from your behavior — there is difference between what you do and who you are. discipline involves addressing behavior. “You did something bad versus you are bad”
- Know that life is learning process — you learn as you go and how you encounter and respond to life is part of life
- Know that you can’t do it on your own — some things are team efforts and support networks can
What to say
“You’re a jerk!”
What not to say
“I’m sorry you feel that way.
Please explain in more detail.
Do you have evidence to support your claim?
Let me get this straight. You’re saying that…
If this is important to you then it will be important to me. Let’s discuss.
I understand this but I still don’t understand that. Let’s invite so and so to be apart of this conversation.
I don’t try to do harmful things on purpose so I apologize for my part. I’d like to learn to address this better.
Thank you for sharing. I know I have flaws and having a flaw doesn’t mean my whole character is flawed but that this area needs improvement or education.”
